Every Breakup is Two Breakups

I have a friend who said that they couldn’t see themselves getting back with an ex. I said the same thing. I remember thinking that once something ends, that’s it. Take the lesson and move on with your life.

If you know anything about irony, you probably assumed that we both got back with an ex; and you’d be correct. My attempt didn’t work out but hers has been steady.

When two people decide to part ways, or one decides to leave the other, it is understandable if there is some emotional residue to clean up afterwards.

You have to stop seeing each other, stop thinking about each other, find something new to distract yourself and move on to living life as a single person or with a new partner in a new relationship. And for the most part, people are successful at doing this.

However, there are some relationships that need a lot more elbow grease to remove the emotional residue. Not necessarily because it’s more entrenched but because we don’t want to let it go.

A relationship could be so good that to let it go would be a spit in the face of the love that the two people had for each other. Another relationship could be so bad that to let it go would be a spit in the face of everything you sacrificed in order to make the relationship work. And still another relationship could be so promising that to let it go would always leave you wondering what could’ve been.

And then you spit in derision of having something potentially good being stripped from you.

But if you had no choice but to walk away from the other person, you could keep your distance and try to distract yourself as best as possible. But is that enough?

In other words, you accepted to break up with the person, but did you break up with the relationship?

Every monogamous relationship features three things: two people and a third entity called the relationship.

In an interdependent relationship, one people who has a well-defined sense of self links up with another person who has a well-defined sense of self and they then give love to each other and share their lives together, which allows the third…

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