I Gravitate To Unconventional Relationships

It seems like, the less typical, the better

I didn’t have my first date until after I was out of high school. And as much as we liked each other, the guy that I dated right after graduation wasn’t someone that I planned to stay with. We both knew that it was a summer thing and that we were going to colleges far away from each other, and besides, it wasn’t love; it was just intense like. On the last night before we parted, we had dinner at our favorite restaurant, exchanged tokens of affection, and kissed goodbye. That first relationship was probably the most conventional one I’ve ever had.

Although I did date some in college, it was more along the lines of hook-ups that went on for several consecutive months. I guess that I thought of some of them as boyfriends, but in retrospect, they really weren’t in any real sense and that was fine by me. I somehow knew I wasn’t going to meet a long-term partner in those 4 years, although that doesn’t mean that I was particularly happy when the hook-ups inevitably dissolved. I just kept doing what I thought I was supposed to in order to keep things rolling, even if it was somewhat casual, but it didn’t seem to matter, and so I finally abandoned doing what I thought I was supposed to in favor of doing what I wanted to.

I’d been low maintenance, nice to his friends, drank beer and not expensive fruity drinks, and was largely fun, and accommodating. But by my senior year, I’d gotten completely fed up with being a “nice girl” and started doing more of what I felt like doing, rather than what I thought I was supposed to. I wasn’t even looking for the illusion of a relationship at that point, and just enjoyed hanging out with friends, a couple of whom I had a benefits arrangement with.

By the time I met James a few years later, I still wasn’t looking for anything long term. Playing by the rules hadn’t gotten me anywhere, and so I was pretty much done with playing by the rules. He and I worked at the same place, although he was there on an unpaid internship before grad school and so was living rent-free with his great-aunt about as far away from me as possible in the metro area. After about three weeks of shuttling back and forth to my place, and him getting constantly lost, I asked him to move in.

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