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How I Learned to Seek Truth Beyond Shallow Allure

Most children who have grown since the era of the N64 have had video games play a major role in their life. From Zelda and Goldeneye to tablet games where any two-year-old can drag and drop zoo animals into the proper spots. I was the product of the former.

Once the Xbox had come out, my first aspirations had unfolded. I wanted to be a professional video game player. I spent every evening and weekend day playing Halo and Call of Duty. All of my time apart from these games, I thought about them. I cannot help but think this had inhibited parts of my mind from growing properly.

I was always a larger kid and in my early adult life, larger than most people I would come across. I was at my worst my first year out of high school when I shot up to over 350 pounds by relentlessly smoking weed and playing video games.

Pictures of me, but still not at my largest.

I quit my job less than a month after graduating from high school, of which I only stayed to pass. I had no motivations, besides, still, maybe I can make a career out of doing nothing with my life (video games).

It took trouble from the law to wake me up and get me out of the house and into a different city where opportunities were actually available. And although life became clearer, my habits were so ingrained I could not give up video games.

But I decided there was another problem needing my attention most.

For the next few years, I dieted and exercised in different variations. It was a tough transition and I kept going back and forth between eating crap and sitting around all day to trying to push myself. What really grabbed me was when I was talking to a friend one night and I was just pouring out excuses until he said, “Nothing is stopping you. You can do whatever you choose, but if you want to lose weight just do it.”

Me near my best ever weight.

And, I did. That night at 10 PM with work early the next morning I switched into shorts and ran a mile at 300 pounds. That was the beginning of something special. In the next three months, I lost over 70 pounds and never reverted. Although, even now I fluctuate my weight depending on my schedule and my bad choices.

But I will never let it get out of hand again.

At my best, I was 180 pounds and 12% body fat, which is lower than the average person. I would like to say that my goal is finally accomplished, but there is one final step: surgery.

So I lost a lot of weight, I’m physically fit and better looking than I ever have been in my entire life. I see people treating me differently. My confidence has pushed past the glass ceiling.

Every day of my life, for years after leaving my mom’s house, I told myself to try to achieve my aspirations.

“It’s not that hard.”

“I’m more than capable.”

“I’m wasting my life if I don’t.”

These helped and even when I was able to work on something meaningful, my mind would still be on video games, because I enjoyed them. I believe that’s also why I was able to lose weight easier than quitting video games because it was fun to work out, and when I held up my work in comparison to a game, the enjoyment factor was not comparable.

This was a long battle for me, longer than losing weight was or ever will be. I would fight myself to do something more because I knew there was more in me. I wanted to live the best life possible and my biggest hurdle wasn’t my work, it was me.

Knowing this and knowing I needed to fight myself every day was what got me passed this and many other horrible habits I had.

I had a clear definition of what was right and what was wrong, what I should and should not be doing. That was an important piece of the puzzle, but it was only part of the solution.

There were three main mindset changes that had happened to tip the balance and helped me feel successful every day through my effort.

From a biological perspective, scientists believe that people seek food and sex as a means of survival. But those instincts fall under the larger category of pleasure. Many psychologists and philosophers have come to the conclusion that it is not innately just means of survival, but instead a drive to be comfortable.

This can be demonstrated by looking at the lives of millions of people in this country.

Many people have dreams and aspirations. Those who do not, seem to not want to because they know the hardship of the task and they fear their own failure with it.

Those that do, continue their habits of playing video games every evening, binge-watching every Netflix show that comes around or mindlessly scrolling through Facebook for hours at a time. Because these things are pleasurable, comfortable.

I could fit myself in both of these categories in my life and I’ve had to keep myself in constant check to move passed my own seeking for comfort.

Being uncomfortable is a thing we all hate. But only at first. It is a land of chaos where you don’t know the proper path and there is no order. You can end up risking it all and losing everything, but most likely you’ll only have an adjustment period that in the end you will learn lessons, become mentally stronger, and become satisfied at the work you’re doing.

The uncomfortable feeling never lasts as long as you plunge yourself into whatever it is you truly want to do. Embrace it, or cower for the rest of your days.

Once I was ready to plunge myself, my biggest hurdle was the amount of work that needs to be done. But just like leaving your comfortability bubble, having to perform daily maintenance can be a fearful endeavor.

No one is perfect and that idea that we should just accept who we as permanent was for me a destructive ideology. Most people at some point in their past have had terrible things happen to them that the mind does not fully process at that time because it tries to defend you against the pain involved. So parts of that experience get locked up into your subconscious and act out in small ways that you cannot fully comprehend.

Let’s take me for an example. My dad left me when I was 5 or 6. He came back into my life as I was turning into a teenager but I declined any involvement he had to try to have in my life. I regretted this for many years until I accepted that we had done these things to each other.

He died from a heart attack when I was 15, just around the point when I thought to take steps towards a relationship with him. I never really got to know him, only the shell of who he was.

But the lesson comes in a decade later when I realized with my relationship with my fiance that I had abandonment issues. I was afraid of getting too close to new people in fear that they may hurt me, so I never really tried. Too bad for both of us that we fell in love pretty quick.

I did this daily and I do similar things daily like when I think sitting back and watching a movie late at night with some popcorn will bring me happiness. It doesn’t, only guilt and frustration.

Learn to do this daily by learning to…

This may be the most valuable thing I’ve learned to do. It was necessary for me not to go insane. I would have thoughts racing through my head at all times, my focus on any meaningful task was horrible. It felt like I had no control over any of my thoughts. Which I didn’t.

You can’t really stop a thought from popping up in your head, but through mental training and will, you can let go of the pointless or destructive thought and focus your attention on a positive version of that thought. That is the key.

You can simply learn to let go but that thought will come again and in most cases stronger and more occurrent. You have to change the narrative of what those bad thoughts are trying to say.

Your mind might tell you:

“I am not good enough to accomplish this task.”

When that happens, what you do is embrace that thought then send it away. Don’t ignore it, because your subconscious is clingy and it wants attention, but don’t feed fuel to the fire. Find the truth, which is much more positive and focus your attention on it until you come to the real conclusion:

“I am strong enough to do anything.”

This may happen a hundred times until your subconscious finally gets the point. You have to wear it down, but it will happen as long as you don’t mind being uncomfortable. You accept these things take time and a daily effort. And you learn to let go of things so you can see the truth beyond the shallow allure your mind creates.

Stop being a prisoner of your mind, pursue your best life possible.

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