Upper Notch Tuesday

Our autism journey

There are days sitting is the only option. My own body stressed to the max. Volume control is not something Owen understands unless it is dealing with someone else’s noise. If I try to listen to a video he will start screaming from the other room. It doesn’t matter what it is I’m watching, I could even be doing something for him, but he will start screaming. And then some days nothing. He’s fine with it. Or at least doesn’t let the whole world know he is disapproving of what I’m listening to. The morning started off overwhelming and the day kept going from there. At some point, Owen lost the remote control for the tv. He got extremely upset, but looking for the remote is hard for him to process. He will attempt to look for it, but once he has looked in one place he doesn’t know to move to a different area. Plus, his emotions skyrocket quickly. He wants to block out everything that is happening with him so he quickly moves on to something else, yet he was still screaming about where the remote control was. At first, I didn’t know what it was he was even looking for. The squeals came and I knew he was in panic mode. I had to calm him down before I could even get him to explain what was happening. I asked him if he needed help, clearly knowing he did, but wanting him to make the connection that he needs to ask for help. He squealed, “I want help pwease”. I talked him through telling me what was wrong and then I spent thirty minutes trying to find the remote. He must have dropped it and it went spinning because it was nowhere close to where it should have been, landing under the toy chest and probably the last thing I would have looked under except I sat down on it trying to get a different angle in the room. When I found the remote he immediately was done wanting the tv and ran to the kitchen ready for a snack. Me, I wanted to stay afloat. Today felt impossible at times, but praying, crying, and thanking God for how far we’ve come. Everything is harder for Owen. Everything is a process. He doesn’t learn a skill overnight and his emotions don’t always filter out smoothly. Whose does. I sat watching him eat his shrimp dinner, wearing half, and gravity pulling more to the ground, and I thought this is a skill we really need to concentrate on. Any directions I give him on how to eat food one bite at a time are met with emotions, from both of us. So today I let that skill slide off the plate, literally, I think. Owen was happier than emotional and I think I was more emotional than happy today, but there he was standing next to me in the kitchen, looking at one of his apps, and he said, “I wuv ewe”. Those are the greatest words ever and anytime he says them I know he understands. I explain to him all the time that we are a team, we both have emotions, and together we will get through this. Find your strength, know that today is one moment in time, and you are not alone. Smiles to all and donut daze!

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